By Gary Canant
Our first few weeks of marriage were bittersweet. Sweet because we treasured every moment before I shipped out. Bitter because the prospect of Viet Nam and the risk of never coming back was always in the back of our minds. It was sad for newlyweds to be separated so soon after being married; it would have been more sad to not have gotten married and missed those few weeks of bittersweetness.
I wrote Maxie almost every day from the time I left until I returned. She saved every letter along with every envelope, every scrap of paper I sent to her. She wrote me daily, too. Those letters didn't survive the war.
This book is a collection of sections from those letters quoted without much attention to chronological time. My Viet Nam tour had the same, loose, time structure There was a definite beginning and end; everything else was a muddle in the middle, and it all runs together in my mind. Since the war-week was seven days long and the war didn't take time off for holidays, time blurred into a series of hot, cold, dry, wet, boring and frightening days that just were.
I didn't read those letters I had written for almost a quarter of a century. Reading them was a trip through old emotions and feelings that seemed lost forever.
This book is those lost memories.
Dong Ha.
Picture of me in Dong Ha on Bunker--
May 20
Dear Maxie,
Well, I got a desk job. Am working at a company office at Dong Ha, which is pretty close to the DMZ but behind the lines. It's pretty safe here so don't worry about me. The only danger I have here is incoming artillery every now and then, and we have pretty good trenches for that. Still beats being out in the bush with the rest and getting shot at....
I live in a tent with six other guys, which is also the company office. They have bunkers dug to sleep in so we don't have to worry about incoming at night. Anyway I look at it, it beats the shit out of being up front, and I'm thankful for that....
(I never could sleep in the bunkers. I always slept up top in the tent and took my chances. I get claustrophobia when I try to sleep underground.)
Sunday
Dear Maxie,
...I just don't want you getting too worried. Actually I am pretty safe here. Dong Ha is a big base, and we don't have incoming that often. We're lucky where we have the office, too; we're at the bottom of a small hill, and all the rounds coming this way usually hit on the hill past us. It's just weird to hear them going by. There's not much chance of this place being invaded because it's a pretty important place...
Wed Nite
Dear Maxie,
... We rearranged our living space in the back of the tent yesterday. I'm still sleeping in the same place - but Larry & Dick moved up out of their bunker. We stole some plywood and built a partition to separate our living area from the rest of the office, and it's pretty nice back here now. I even have a light by my rack (bed) so I can write and read in bed....
You know about that hammock I got? When we remodeled our apartment here, I hung it over my rack and told everyone it was a mosquito net (it has about 3-inch-square holes in it), that if the mosquitoes were any smaller than that, I didn't care. Last night after we got ready to go to bed, we saw the biggest bug I've ever seen crawling up the side of the tent, and now they believe me. Bugs are big over here - you wouldn't like that too much....
Saturday
Dear Maxie,
...We put up mosquito nets over our cots today - not one day too soon. Tonight we had an invasion of bugs. It's nice to be able to sleep or write a letter without fighting the bugs. The only thing is, that it's a little hotter because I can't get as much breeze; but I'd rather be a little warm than have bugs swarm around my light. I did some horse trading and got an extra large net, so I have lots of room. I just looked at the top of the net, and there are lots of bugs out there but none in here. Feels good....
Thurs
Dear Maxie,
.... It hasn't rained today but did sprinkle a bit tonight. I don't know where all the bugs came from all of a sudden, but they did. I had planned to do a little work tonight while it's cool, but I got under my mosquito net as quick as possible because the bugs flocked around the light where I was working. They're a pain in the neck. I'm grateful for this net because now I can write letters and not have to worry about them...
May 20
Dear Maxie,
.... The outfit I'm working for has had quite a time out in the field. They've had a lot of guys killed or wounded in the past couple of days. I'm thankful that I get to stay back here, which is pretty great compared to the front. There is a club which has cold beer and cokes if you get there first. There is also a PX that doesn't have much more than cigarettes. The guys don't get anything and have a pretty hard time out there. It's a hot, dirty, mean war; and Marines get hurt, and some get killed. Seems like an awful place to die - halfway around the world from home, but I guess it has to be done....
Dear Maxie,
.... We're almost finished with our patio. We put up stakes for our hammock today - it's nice to lie out there before dark and when it's cool - which isn't too often....
(At times, I would go back to Dong Ha after our company moved to Quang Tri.)
Friday
Dear Maxie,
.... I had a busy day and spent last night in Dong Ha. I failed to get a truck but did bump into a man who used to be in Lima company, so I stayed in his place. The mess hall up there has 1000% better food and even has native women to pick up your plate when you leave it (don't worry, they were all ugly). I also saw "In the Heat of the Night" again. It was good. He's got it made up there--good food, indoor movie, an ice chest with beer in it right next to his bed, etc. etc. The only thing is that it's still Dong Ha, and they still have incoming up there so I don't mind staying here....
Quang Tri.
The company headquarters moved from Dong Ha to Quang Tri. Dong Ha was 12 miles from the DMZ and within range of the big guns. Quang Tri was 17 miles from the DMZ and out of range. We moved in what should have been fall, sometime around Rosh Hashanah; I don't remember the exact date.
Wed
Dear Maxie,
.... Yesterday I went down to Quang Tri (said like tree) to see the area where we're going to move. It looks pretty decent, but I wouldn't exactly call them "cabins." They're only plywood buildings the same size as this tent. As far as being safe from artillery, yes because we're farther from the DMZ. There aren't any trenches yet, but there will be as soon as we get there. The only thing I don't like is that we're pretty far from everything else, but that may be a blessing because the airfield is a long way off; and that's what they usually shoot for.....
Wed
Dear Maxie,
.... It's definite now that we are moving to Quang Tri. We've got a lot of stuff to move; looks like we've got some work ahead of us. We're going to move everything possible, even the wood we stole. We are moving into pre-fab, plywood "hardbacks" instead of tents, and they shouldn't leak so bad but will be smaller and harder to heat this winter. At least we will be out of range of the big artillery across the DMZ, which is a relief. A small map: Dong Ha is only 12 miles from the DMZ, and Quang Tri is about 17, every little bit helps. Don't worry about my address changing because the mail goes to the company, no matter where it is....
Sunday
Dear Maxie,
... I have really been working because we had to move everything we own which is a lot. It will be awhile before my fingers get limbered up enough to type well again. The new buildings we're in are pretty nice, but there's still a lot of work to be done. There are nice lights up here but no electricity yet. There's not a mess hall yet so we'll be eating C's for awhile. At least we can get almost all we want (I stole an extra case), and it's a change. We just got moved on time because it started raining last night and has been raining hard off and on all day....
Wed
Dear Maxie,
.... We're starting to get settled a bit here although things are still messed up. There is still a lot of mud from the last rain because we haven't built yet. Going to the bathroom is still a major undertaking - especially at night - because we only have one now, and it's about 100 yards away. I sure will be glad to get some electricity, but no telling when that will be. I think that if I do go on R&R, I'll just lie in a hot bath for a couple of days. All we have here is cold water, and it's pretty hard to get really clean. There is a better PX here...
Saturday morn
Dear Maxie,
.... It's a good thing I did go to sleep early because we had an attack about midnight on another part of the base that woke everyone up. It couldn't have been a very big one because all we could hear was our weapons and very few of theirs. They'd have a pretty hard time against this place because we have a good defense and lots of helicopters, etc., here. I am definitely glad that we left Dong Ha because they've been having incoming pretty often lately.
You ask if Quang Tri is safer--yes, quite a bit. We're out of artillery range, and Dong Ha seems to be a prime target. The only thing I don't like too much is this bombing halt deal; as soon as it goes into effect, it seems like we get more action around here. They want us to stop bombing but use the halt to move more men and supplies down. I'll still be glad to get out of this country. I don't like this war one bit....
(I was sent to Vandegrift Combat Base from Quang Tri with less than a month to go in Viet Nam and in the Marine Corps. I was not very happy.)
Dec 25
Morn
Dear Maxie,
.... I was pretty mad because they were sending me out here now. Well, before we left, we took down everything we had put up in Quang Tri. Our hootch was fixed up nice, and we took all the walls down and gave everything away. I had stolen three metal folding chairs for the office -the only ones we had - so I gave those away, too. In other words, we left the place high and dry.
(The Staff Sgt. left there was mad about the chairs and threatened to write people up if he found out who gave them away, but he can't do anything because I stole them in the first place. After we finished wrecking the joint, we came up here in the rain....
When I saw the movie "M*A*S*H", the story of the jeep sounded very familiar. They couldn't do anything to Hawkeye, either, at the end of the movie when he left in the jeep, since he had stolen it in the first place.)
LZ Stud or Vandegrift Combat Base.
Landing Zone Stud was renamed Vandegrift Combat Base. It was on Route 9 between the Rock Pile and Khe Sahn.
Sunday
Dear Maxie,
.... To make it worse, the news came in tonight that I have to go up to Vandegrift Combat Base, up in the mountains. It's not really that bad, it's just the idea of them transferring me with about 20 days left to go over here. G-d I hate this Marine Corps. I've been in this damn thing for about four years, and they put the screws to me at the end. Now I have to pack up everything and leave here, now that I have a pretty comfortable place to go. What a bummer....
(I sent Maxie a hand-drawn map of the area.)
In your letter you wanted to know exactly where I am. I'm about 8 miles from the DMZ and about 3 miles south of the Rock Pile. Khe Sahn is about 8 miles west. ^ means mountains that start just the other side of Camp Carrol. Dong Ha and Quang Tri are both in the flatlands and back from the ocean.
(On the map, I indicated that Florida was to the east "? Miles," and Paris was to the west, "A long walk.")
Friday
Dear Maxie,
.... I just got back from a good hot shower and do feel a little better. The shower is about a mile away, and we all go down in a group on a little vehicle called a mule...
(Our mule was stolen. We found it in a ditch a week later. The showers were set up in a large tent with about thirty shower heads arranged in rows.)
Dec 25
Morn
Dear Maxie,
Well, I'm at Vandegrift now. It's not as nice as Quang Tri but isn't too bad. The only thing I really don't like is the mud - it's impossible to walk without slipping and sliding. It's really a beautiful place. I'm in a little valley surrounded by pretty good sized mountains. One thing I do like - the time seems to go faster out here. A lot has happened since I last wrote you, and already a couple of days have gone by; and I'm a couple of days closer to being with you. To start with the night I last wrote - I was pretty mad because they were sending me out here now....
It's about a 2-hour ride up here, and it rained all the way; and the place was socked in when we got here. I had only been here about half an hour when we got incoming - the first they've had in quite a while. So here I was, standing in a muddy trench, hearing that whistle-boom again.
Needless to say, it didn't help my nerves any - I'm getting too short to be shot at. That ended pretty soon, so I found a place and moved in. Yesterday they assigned me a job - making sure that our people get out on the helicopters. It's really a poor job because the people have a mind of their own about that; and if they don't want to go out, it's pretty hard to find them and make them get on a bird. Anyway, it's a job....
(We spent the rest of Christmas day loading the Christmas dinners on helicopters for the guys in the bush. The dinners were in special, large, insulated food containers. That day, the guys in the bush ate better than we did. We had C's.)
Monday
Dear Maxie,
.... Today wasn't too bad. The dust was bad because it hasn't rained for a while - but at least I did get all of the people out.
(When the helicopters came in, they blew dust everywhere.)
Friday
Dear Maxie,
.... Feels good to be cleaner. I can't really get clean until I leave this place. I still feel like I've got dirt in my ears from the dirt the choppers blow up. Some of the big ones make so much wind that I feel like I'm going to fly. Not much longer, the end is in sight....
DaNang.
DaNang was to the northern part of South Viet Nam what Saigon was to the south. The major airport to the rest of the world is in DaNang. To us, going to DaNang was almost like going to the States.
Thurs
Dear Maxie,
.... Being in DaNang was quite an experience. It is a place of distinct contrasts. There are great big PXs there and the most horrible slums you've ever seen within half a mile of each other. The whole place is much busier than here, and they even have traffic jams. The place has much more to offer as far as entertainment and food goes, but I think I like the quiet here a little better. It's a little easier to live without a few things than be constantly reminded that you are living well while someone else is starving. It hurts to see something like that. Paved streets, ice cream, and poverty in the same breath; it's hard to take.
(It was good to get back, to see the quiet countryside again. That quiet countryside was Quang Tri, closer to where the war was going on. But I was more comfortable there than in the relative comfort of DaNang.)
Wed
Dear Maxie,
.... Have been talking to some of the guys that have been down to DaNang. They live like kings down there. It's almost like being in the states there. They have air conditioning, ice cream, good chow, no incoming, and decent living quarters - and even USO shows. They're afraid to come up here, I guess. Anyway, I haven't seen one up here or even heard of one. Guess it's hard being away, anywhere a person is. It still seems unfair for some people - our people out in the bush - to do all the fighting and for others to do nothing and still bitch. Guess it's just the way it goes.
Sun
Dear Maxie,
.... No mail came at all today - the second day in a row without any mail. I sure hope the mail comes tomorrow - I need to hear from you to perk me up. Guess the people in DaNang take weekends off, they don't know that there's a war going on....
Monday
Dear Maxie,
.... I do feel better here than I did in DaNang when I stayed there last night. I was terribly nervous there and couldn't sleep very well because we were near the air strip, and jets were taking off all night. I do feel better here because it's quiet, and I have my things here....
Back